normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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