He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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