it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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