the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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