got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
