So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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