I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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