I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize