I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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