My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
