Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
