It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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