What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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