Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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