shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
