They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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