He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my shit smells like andre
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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