my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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