Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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