i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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