So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
