i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize