Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After last night, I could never be a politician.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
