i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
