Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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