WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
