I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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