I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
