quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
