just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
