There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
