Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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