i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
how does that bad decision feel?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
