Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
