I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
