No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
