Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Blood and glitter go together right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
