I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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