that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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