That's intense
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
