It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
