They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
