My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
