I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
