Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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