im six kinds of drunk right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
