You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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