Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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