I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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