I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
