And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
