Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
how does that bad decision feel?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
