I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
