Yo dont text me then not text me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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