Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
