Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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