I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
