Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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