FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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