Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
