I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
