It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
