She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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