i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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