my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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