He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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