I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
