I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
