I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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