2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
