I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
