So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You took a bar mat shot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
