I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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