omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
