a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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