My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
