I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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