Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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