I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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