you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
