listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
