Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
