i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
