i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
